


Love In The Dark

by haatorii



Series: 25: A Destiel Story [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean was a happy boy, Hurt Dean Winchester, I still don't know how to tag this thing, M/M, Marriage, but he got extremely sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haatorii/pseuds/haatorii
Summary: Dean was so much in love with Castiel but then shit hit the fan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like my other works, this, too, is unbeta'd and all grammar errors are mine.  
> Like my other works, I don't know how to tag this thing I made.
> 
> I hope you like it. 
> 
> :)

“Hey, Dean. A document parcel arrived for you. Should I bring it inside?”

“I don’t know, Jo, should you? Nah, I’m just messing with ya. I didn’t order anything again, did I? What’s inside?”

“No, not that I remember. I don’t know? Should I open it? It might be private. Maybe a picture of Castiel’s dick? Oh jesus, if this is a picture of Castiel’s dick I swear to god Dean I will burn and this fucking place down! I don’t care if you’re my boss.”

“Then better get it inside! Geez. You’re the one thinking about my husband’s dick, why are you blaming me for your dirty thoughts?” Dean laughed on the receiver.

“Whatever, I’m going in to give you your husband’s dick pic. You kinky fuckers.” And Jo hung up.

The door opened and sure, Jo was holding a long manila envelope with enough packaging tape on it to kidnap a full grown man. How are they gonna let him open the damn thing? If he were in one of the Saw movies and the only thing that could save him was to open the goddamn thing in a time limit, he would gladly accept his death. Seriously, the fucking thing was full of tape.

“Thanks, Jo. I’d put this on your desk if this was indeed my husband’s dick,” he gave Jo a mischievous smile. “Speaking of my husband’s dick, god I miss my husband’s dick.”

“Ew! Dean you asshole!” Jo covered her ears and almost ran away. She looked really cute in her clothes, Dean thought. Jo hated wearing a pencil skirt, so Dean made an e-mail saying all secretaries from the different departments should wear pencil skirts. She got so pissed she kicked Dean on the shin when office hours were over. Jo’s pissed off face was worth the large bruise, though. But good thing she wasn’t wearing her favorite pumps or else it would have hurt like a motherfucking bitch.

Dean was curious about the parcel. If he hadn’t drunkenly order anything, then what was it? Was it a dick pic from Cas just like what Jo had said? Was it pictures of him with different women because he swear he could explain everything. Was it pictures of him and Lisa? There were a lot of things in Dean’s mind but he decided to set the said documents aside for now. He was a busy man and he had things to do, so he placed it inside the first drawer behind him and hoped for the best that he wouldn’t forget about it, then he started to work. Castiel never left his mind though.

 

Dean and Castiel had been married for seven years now. They were in love since they were still in their early teens and had been friends since they were practically in their diapers, so after finishing college, they got married. Not right away, of course, but like, after a week or so. No more planning, no more stressing out, no nothing. They just woke up together one day and decided they would get married that day. No one proposed, they just talked about it. They said that since they’ve been together since forever, and they’re quite sure that their relationship was going to end up in marriage, why wait for a long time? So by noon they were in their best suits and drove down the city hall to register their union. After signing the documents, they went back home to pack a few clothes and grab their passport. They bought tickets to Bali (Castiel fought Dean for the decision rights because Dean wanted their honeymoon to be just outside the city) and stayed there for almost a month. Neither of them planned anything nor wanted to go to Bali, Castiel just saw the brochure it promised fresh air and coconuts. Only after their first week in Bali that they informed their parents about their marriage. Mary and Becky were laughing-crying on the phone while no one fucking knew what Chuck and John did. 

 

Castiel’s in Romania for a short vacation for a few weeks now, and Dean missed him terribly. This was the third time they’d been apart for more than two weeks, the first and second time were because of Dean flying around for work. But they talk every every night for sometimes more than an hour to catch up on each other’s day. Dean always loved their talk and if he could talk to his husband for the whole night he would gladly do so, but Castiel doesn’t like it when Dean loses sleep because of him, so there’s that. You’re so sappy it’s disgusting, Jo would always say to him. She wouldn’t understand because she hadn’t found her soulmate yet. But it’s the truth, Dean was so in love with Castiel it gave him energy to wake up every morning and face the challenges with his head held high. 

By two-thirty in the afternoon, most of Dean’s work for the day were done. The other documents scattered around his table were either work for the next day or papers he didn’t have to review until next week. He was now practically free for the rest of the day. Just before he finished reading the last page of the document he’d been reading, he remembered the parcel. _Oh fuck. Yeah. I forgot about that._ he thought.

He signed the documents and cleaned his desk. When he was satisfied with the state of his work table, he called Jo.

“Jo, I’m done with what I’m working. Did I forget anything? Meetings or some shit?”

“Wait, hmm…” Dean could could hear her clicking her mouse and flipping papers. “Nope. You’re done for the day. Why? Do you want me to call someone?”

“No. No, just checking. If someone asks for me tell them I’m busy. Yeah?”

“Alright.” and she hung up on him again before he could say anything else. He really should do something witty so he could hang up on her even just once. 

Dean turned around and opened the drawer to get the parcel from earlier. He then proceeded to remove the tape. He challenged himself not to use scissors and see how many minutes it would take him to remove all the goddamn tape.

It took him six minutes.

He peeled all the stickers away and tore the plastic off. The parcel was from Castiel.

“Heh. If it’s important then why didn’t he just emailed this to me? He knows I check my emails every day.” Dean asked himself aloud. Jo already made countless of jokes growing up about his habit, but he didn’t mind. “Ooh.. it’s light. I wonder what could this be.”

A few years ago, if someone would say to Dean that one day he’ll question everything that he ever did in his life, every decision that had made, he would have laughed at his face and probably punch him on the throat for even saying such things. He was proud of how he lived his life. He was proud of all the people he had loved in his life. He was proud that he was killing this “being an adult” thing, and even more proud of himself that he had made his dad’s simple brewery business into an empire in just a few years. But now he’s questioning every single thing that he ever did and every decision that he had made because sitting inside the long manila envelope were divorce papers.

 

It was 2:43 in the morning when Dean woke up from a slumber he didn’t knew when he took. Aw fuckin’ hell, he missed his nightly talk with Castiel. Castiel. _Castiel_ Dean let a sob out of his mouth. He lied back to Castiel’s side of the bed and let tears roll down his face. He had no energy to cry even harder than letting his tears fall since he already used everything earlier to scream until his throat hurt and trash his office. He was also pretty sure his knuckles broke when he punched the mirror by his table in the office.

“Dean, honey? Are you awake?” Dean looked behind him and saw his mom leaning on his doorway. 

“How did I get home, ma?” 

Mary sat on Dean’s bed and began slowly stroking his hair. “Jo called Sam. He brought you home after you pass out in the office.”

“Okay. Tell him I said thanks.”

“Okay, honey.”

They both stayed like that for a few moments.

“Ma,”

“Yes, honey?”

“Did you know?” and Dean sobbed again.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.”

Dean cried again until exhaustion came and took his consciousness away.

Dean hadn’t cried in a very long time. The last time he cried because of pain was when he scraped his knee during a soccer practice. He could remember it was so unbearable not even Cas could calm him down. But the pain from young Dean’s scrapped knee was nothing compared to Dean’s pain right now. It was like losing your brother and your lover at the same time, because Cas was both for him. 

When he woke up again, he felt emptiness as he walked around the house. It even hurt more to walk around the house because everything was either made, assembled, or bought by Cas. Every surface would remember him of Cas. Every furniture, every design, very corner of the house all because of Cas. He tried to go back to work but his family, friends, and colleagues would tell him it’s fine or he should take a break or a vacation, so he did. He travelled to places Cas and he had planned on visiting but never did (and they would never be able to). He travelled with his brother, he went to Europe, he went to South America but he just couldn’t go to Asia. Indonesia, in particular. There were too many happy memories in Indonesia and he just didn’t have the courage to visit it once more. No matter where he went and no matter how long he stayed in one place, he would always get the manila envelope out of his bag and stare at it. Sometimes even talk to it. He would ask it a lot of things and sometimes yell at it, but he never opened it, not even once. Not even once after that time he did at the office.

 

After a month of travelling around, Dean went back to work. He still wasn’t okay but he couldn’t sulk forever. Yes, he was heartbroken. Yes, he felt betrayed. But that doesn’t mean he should stop his life and wallow in self-pity. Mourning time was over, he told himself. But he could still mourn while being productive so he went back to work and pretended he was done moping around. But everyone thought otherwise because they were still dancing around him like was some delicate snowflake who would melt under heat or something, and he hated it. Dean Winchester might be a lot of things, but he wasn’t a weak man.

Three months after he came back to work, he decided that maybe it was time to put an end to his grief. That maybe he should also set Castiel from his grief. They say if you really love someone, set them free, so that’s what he was going to do.

Dean opened the long manila folder again and took the divorce papers out, but another thing that he hadn’t noticed before came out with the documents. It was a letter. From Castiel. A letter from Castiel. His heart was pounding, ready to come out from his mouth when he picked it up. He opened it slowly and surely, it was his husband’s beautiful handwriting. 

 

Tears welled up in his eyes as he read through the whole thing.

 

And after he’s done, he burned the letter and signed the documents.

 

 

 

Maybe he’d ask Jo to look for an apartment tomorrow too.


	2. Castiel's letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's letter to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bangs my head on the wall*
> 
> I like. Writing. Letters.
> 
> You never asked for this but here's Castiel's letter to Dean.
> 
> To be fucking honest I don't know how divorce works because there's no divorce in my country and I'm too lazy to research and my back hurts so fucking much.

**My beloved Dean,**

 

I am very sorry we have to end up like this. Please believe that it was not in my intention to hurt you, but if I stay with you I will not just be lying to myself but also to you. I have to do this for the both of us, but specially for me. 

I met someone new. I know you have already suspected that by now that I am seeing another person, but he’s not the only reason why I’m doing this. I’m doing this for me. To find myself. The truth is I feel like a stranger inside my own body. I am an entity trapped inside a meat suit. I don’t know myself anymore because who I’ve become was all because of you, Dean. When we were young, I desperately wanted your love and attention so much that I modeled myself to become someone you desire. Someone you would want to and worthy of your love. And I succeeded. I became yours and you became mine. But as I get older I began craving for my true self. I forced myself to forget what I am to be with you. When I met Balthazar, he made me remember who I am. I never needed to pretend in front of him. He liked me for who I am, Dean, and for the first time in a long time, I felt genuine happiness. I’m not saying I wasn’t happy when I was with you, I was happy. Really. Just not as happy as when I am with him. 

We met in Prague three years ago when we were there for our anniversary. I met him in a bar after we split up to explore the city by ourselves. Do you remember the game we played? The one who could bring back the most bizarre thing he could find will be the other’s master for the rest of the week. I won because he helped me find that museum full of sex related artifacts. You didn’t know there’s that kind of museum in Czech Republic so I was pretty sure I’m going to win. We stayed connected after we left. We talk often because I thought he just liked me as a friend, but obviously I was wrong. He visited me once, you know. When you were in Scotland for almost a month for a business trip. I swear that was one time and nothing happened. We just went out for drinks and had a great conversation. 

Now I can’t help but ask myself everyday, what if I went to Scotland with you? Or what if you didn’t go and just stayed home with me? Do you think we wouldn’t end up where we are right now if we just did one of those? Yes. For me, at least.

I know how much you love me, Dean. You never failed to let me know every single day when we’re together, and even when we’re not around each other. And I love you, Dean. I never once doubted myself that I didn’t love you because I did. I do. I have loved you for more than half of my life and no one could ever replace you in my heart. You were my first love, Dean. You’ll always be with me even if we don’t. I hope you believe me.

 

I am very sorry you have to go through this.

 

Always, 

**-C**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? :D 
> 
> I think all I do now is make fic at work then finish it by midnight and post it here by 1 AM. 
> 
> As usual, I made a letter but I'm still thinking whether I'm gonna post it or not. It's not exactly done but maybe tomorrow I could finish it. :D
> 
> Also, this fic is inspired by Love In The Dark, First Love, and Don't You Remember all by Adele.


End file.
